Once Upon A Crazy Old Time (Part 1)

**This is fiction, once again, I repeat, FICTION^^
**I have no records of when was this written, but it was in the first 3 months of 2010...
**This "story" is written in sort of a script form (or dialogue)...
**This was written by Appa and I.
**Inspiration was from "Mulan", yes, the story about a girl going to the army so that her father doesn't need to go...... The family version will be a twisted one...
**Noted: I didn't put any name for Mann's parents. They're only known as Father and Mother.

Shi Yee: Eh...I still don't understand how Gran Gran can be so scary...
Cheng Yi: Why don't you ask her? {Smirks}
Mann: Ask me what?
Cheng Yi: Shi Yee wants to ask you something. I have to go Gran Gran, take care.
Mann: Where are you going?
Cheng Yi: I have an ATM meeting with the ladies, we need to plan a budget for the next 5 years.
Mann: The...."A"...What was the name again?
Cheng Yi: The All Thrifty Mothers Society. I have to go now, I'm a bit late. Bye Gran Gran, Shi Yee.
Mann: What a responsible granddaughter-in-law. So, {Sips from the teacup} what does my grandson want to ask?
Shi Yee: Nothing actually. {Saw the big cane held in Mann's right hand}
Mann: You know, your wife is taking charge of the house more than you. Why aren't you doing your part of the family?
Shi Yee: Well, to be honest, she can't trust her money with anyone, including me, her husband.
Mann: You should step up and be a man!
Shi Yee: But she's scary...especially when it's about money.
Mann: {Smiles} That means she's doing fine as a lady.
Shi Yee: Umm....hehehe...{Sips from teacup nervously, still looking at the gigantic cane}
Mann: Have I ever told you about how I met your grandfather?
Shi Yee: Hmm....to think about it, no. Would you mind telling me?

{At this moment, Shi Yee's parents, Jayme and Siang U and children, Lee Ngoh and Wei Seen comes into the living room.}

Shi Yee: Good morning mum, dad.
Jayme & Siang U: Good morning mum. Good morning son.
Siang U: Looks like I should be making breakfast. {Goes to the kitchen}
Lee Ngoh & Wei Seen: Good morning Great Gran Gran, Gran Gran, dad. We're going to school for the co-curriculum.
Shi Yee: Alright. Kids these days......Even on Sundays you have to go to school.
Wei Seen: Ask brother. He's the one that sets the rules.

{Lee Ngoh and Wei Seen went out of the door after saying goodbye to the family.}

Jayme: Where's dad?
Mann: He went out to buy his newspaper one hour ago.
Jayme: Then I should go to the coffee shop.
Lee Ngoh: Why, Gran Gran?
Jayme: Cause he must have forgotten the time, busy reading his newspaper. {Walks out the door after kissing his wife on the cheek in the kitchen}
Mann: The house is now quiet again. You youngsters are always rushing around.
Shi Yee: Hahaha...Gran Gran, about your story...
Mann: Right. I'll tell you...
Siang U: {Walks out of kitchen with a tray of lovely made breakfast} What story, mother?
Mann: The story about how I met your father-in-law. Come, sit closer, so I don't need to shout.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{In ancient China, at Mann's home......}

Mann: But mum!! I don't want to go there!!
Mother: Why can't you understand that we just want to find you a good husband?!?!
Mann: But they are all either drunks or beggars!! I don't even want to get married!!
Mother: {Nearly fainted as her face turns white} How can you say that?!? What if someone hears you??
Mann: Then let them hear! {Goes out of the house and slams the door}
Mother: How could I have such a daughter? A daughter who doesn't want a husband...

{Mann walks through the town...}

Mann: {Murmuring} I hate those arranged marriage!! How could those people have endured? I already went there for 5 times!! And with all those makeups and perfumes!! I'm allergic to perfumes!! How many times do I have to say it!!

{As Mann still murmurs on, she walks into the woods to catch a breath of fresh air. She was talking to herself as she continues to walk until the waterfall. There was a guy swimming in the waterfall. She was wondering why would anyone swim in the water when it's near winter. She forgot that she was still walking and fell into the water......}

Mann: {Coughs} Uhh..!! I just took a bath!!

{Mann tried to get out of the water. But because she was wearing the clothes her mother forced her to wear, she was taking a long time. The guy saw Mann and hurried to help her. After struggling a few rounds, the guy helped Mann out of the water.}

Mann: Who in the world are you??
Shean: Hello, I am Shean. Are you alright?
Mann: You don't have to drag me out of the water! I know how to swim!
Shean: Hey, I've already saved you. At least a thank you would be nice!
Mann: I don't feel like thanking! Anyway, who needs to thank you!!
Shean: You could have drowned!!
Mann: I know how to swim, get it? I'm leaving! This is a waste of time!!
Shean: Fine!

{Both of them walk away from each other, steamed up and angry. It looks like their the only ones heated in the coming winter....}

##########

{Shean walked to a campsite. It was full with soldiers doing their own stuff. The daily training hasn't started yet. Shean went to his own camp to meet up with one of his friends, Kunn}

Shean: Gosh! I met a lunatic just now.
Kunn: Wow! Who dares to make you flare up?
Shean: How would I know? She's just rude, mean, impolite, ungrateful!!
Kunn: Whoa...Whoa...Wait. "She"?
Shean: Yes! A "She"!!
Kunn: Because, I think you just describe a girl that's in my life for years.
Shean: What? Who?
Kunn: My sister is a little rough. If she gets angry, she becomes just like what you said.
Shean: Not Possible. Never will the person I describe be your sister. She should be...hmm...a girl of grace, beauty, polite......{Starts imagining a perfect girl}
Kunn: But...
Shean: {Continues} She should be just like you, intelligent and well-educated...

{The horn was being sounded.}

Kunn: But...
Shean: Hurry, we have to go for the training. Or else I need to punish you in front of all the others...
Kunn: Alright, march...

{During marching...}

Commander: Straight! Soldiers, am I training sissies? Faster!! Faster! Faster!!!

{Kunn stumbled upon a rock and fell down.}

Commander: You! Soldier! 100 pumping now!
Kunn: Yes sir.
Commander: Add rope climbing 5 times!
Kunn: Yes sir.
Commander: Faster!!

{While the other soldiers were marching, Kunn did the 100 pumping. After that, he was panting very badly. He still had to do the rope climbing. Slowly, step by step, he climbed up the rope.}

Commander: Faster soldier! Add 3!!
Kunn: Yes sir.

{He nearly reached the top when his sweaty hands gave way. He fell. He had to start all over again.}

Kunn: {Mumbling} Just great. Kunn, just keep up the good work.

{Cautiously, he climbed and reached the top. He took a deep breath and looked at the other soldiers. Suddenly, the horn sounded: It was an attack!}

Kunn: Why me? I just finished the rope climb!

{Panicking, Kunn tried to climb down as fast as he could so that he can be armored and prepared for battle. But, he slipped and fell to the ground. Then, everything went black.}

Kunn: Where am I? Oww....my head....{Felt for his head} Wait....this isn't my head!! What is this??!!?

{Kunn heard someone calling his name and he tried turning to see who was it.}

Kunn: Who are you?? I can't see you. Where are you?

{Suddenly, his face was cold. He opened his eyes.}

Kunn: Hey!!! Wait....where am I??
Shean: Do you still remember me?
Kunn: It's not funny. What happened?
Shean: Well...hmm.....how should I put this. There was a surprise training attack. Everyone did well, but you fell from the rope and passed out.
Kunn: Great! I'm going to get more pumping and rope climbing, and push ups......
Shean: You do talk a lot sometimes. Have you ever thought of going back home?
Kunn: I can't. The commander's going to kill me!
Shean: No. He won't. You try standing up now.
Kunn: Why would you tell me to do such a simple thing? Of course I'm going to stand up and go for the commander's shouting, after having my food.
Shean: I'm gonna see...

{Kunn stood up, but in less than a second...}

Kunn: Ahhhhhhh!!!! My leg!!!!!
Shean: {Help Kunn to stand up} Well, you're certainly not walking out of here with two legs.
Kunn: What!??! You mean I'm going to lose my leg? They're going to amputate it??
Shean: No, you'll have three. Here's your recovery gift. Meet "Tongkat", "Tongkat Ali".
Kunn: {Took the crutches} Not funny. Just great! Finally I'll be going home and maybe hear my father's great stories as a captain that sailed the seven seas!

##########

{After packing up, Kunn walked back to his home. It was a few miles away, but he chose to walk home so that people won't say that he's a pampered rich kid.}

Kunn: {Walking and mumbling} Just perfect! The neighbors will be laughing. Dad will see it, then he'll ask why. And finally, I have to tell him that I can't finish my 2 year service because of the embarrassing incident.

{Kunn saw a very familiar figure further up the path. He looked intensely to find out who was it.}

Kunn: Wait....Wh... is she....She's Mann! Hey! Mann!! Wait! For! Me!

{The figure turned around, then turns back and ran as fast as it can.}

Kunn: Hey wait! Can't you recognize your own brother??

{Kunn didn't notice a rock in front of the path. His injured leg accidentally kicked it.}

Kunn: Sakit ni! Aduhai! Apa ni! O dear! Bad day!

{Kunn, limping with his crutches, like a broken wooden puppet, barely walked but crawled to the front of his house.}

Kunn: {Knocks on door} Mum......are you there? Hello? {Echo: hello...helloo....hellooo.....}

{The maid, Mee Rebus came.}

Mee Rebus: Who is it?? {Turns head to left and right, but she didn't see anyone.}

Kunn: {Tugging at the maid's shoe because he was lying flat on the ground.} Below here.
Mee Rebus: O my!! {Starts jumping and dancing.} What a surprise! It's so good to see you master! We miss you so much! How are you? Have you eaten well? How......
Kunn: Can...can...can...you please....bring me into...the house....{Melts flat into a large roti canai.}
Mee Rebus: Just wait a bit dear, I'll go and call Laksa. {Goes back into the house.}
Kunn: Wait......I just need you to help me in...

{After about 5 minutes, Mee Rebus and Laksa, the butler, came out.}

Laksa: Good afternoon sir. {Bows in front of Kunn and holds out arm only to show the way.}
Kunn: I know my own house!! Mr. Laksa, can you please lend me a hand?
Laksa: Yes sir. {Took out a rubber made hand and passes it to Kunn.}
Kunn: {Speechless} Never mind, nice to see both of you.

{Kunn crawls and pulls himself into the dining room. There on the large antique dining table, was filled with plates of delicious, mouth-watering food!!}

Kunn: Food!!! I'm starved!!! {Stood up out of a sudden and ran to one of the seats, well, actually, hopping with his crutches.} Thank you!!! {Took a fried drumstick.}
Mee Rebus: Wait!!! {Hits Kunn's hand and took away the drumstick.} That's for your father's gathering!
Kunn: Then, where's mine??
Mee Rebus: I haven't got time to prepare. I didn't know you would come home.
Kunn: {Hopeless} So you want me to sit here starving? I'm a patient!
Mee Rebus: Okay, master. I'll cook you a pot of porridge first. {Goes to kitchen and starts cooking.}

##########

{After the weird encounter with the scary limping person that was following her, Mann was talking to herself.}

Mann: Gosh! I think I met a lunatic. Or an admirer? Luckily I can run fast. Gee......I'd better go back home.

{Mann walks into her house. She saw a familiar person. The person was sitting at the dining table, eating?}

Mann: {Shouts} Who are you??

{Kunn was eating his porridge, when all of a sudden, he heard his "lovely, cute" sister's tremendous voice. And......he choked his porridge.}

Kunn: {Turns around} What?? {Trembling.}
Mann: Is that you?
Kunn: Yup.
Mann: You're the weird, scary, limping guy? {Dashes beside Kunn and slaps him at the back.} Hi brother! So how was the hide and seek?
Kunn: {Vomits} Hide and seek?
Mann: Yea, you hide and the whole army force seeks for you.
Kunn: I didn't hide! I did the training......
Mann: And you fail...{Teases Kunn} Kunn failed....what is dad going to say.
Kunn: Haih, just don't bother me. I'm tired and tortured like a ragged doll. Let me finish my porridge.
Mann: Alright. I'll be outside playing.
Kunn: The sword or nun chucks?
Mann: Still deciding......maybe archery.
Kunn: Please place the target board on the other side of town. The arrows will not, I repeat, not be targeted into the house!
Mann: Yea yea...{Walks out.}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Present day}

Mann: Then.......let me try to remember...
Siang U: Tea? {Hands the cup of green tea to Mann.}
Mann: Thank you.
Shi Yee: Umm...Gran Gran, can you speed up your story? Fast forward?
Mann: No. I can't remember if I fast forward. I'm going to tell it just as how it happened.
Shi Yee: But I'm getting sleep.....{Saw Mann waving her cane.} I just really really want to know.
Mann: Then listen! Now let me see, where was I? {Stands up} I need to go and have some delicious muffins first.
Shi Yee: But...Gran Gran...
Siang U: Son, respect.
Shi Yee: Okay. {Pouts}
Siang U: How old are you again? {Smiles} Why don't we join in your grandmother for some muffins?
Shi Yee: Okay.

{The three went to have their muffins.}

TO BE CONTINUED